1.  Matt Gaetz Associate Joel Greenberg Expected to Plead Guilty

 GETTING CLOSER 

A deal would raise the prospect of the disgraced Florida Republican turning on the embattled Congressman—and cooperating against him.

2.  Bolsonaro Plan to Stem World’s Worst COVID Surge: Do Nothing

  LET IT RIP 

Even after Brazil’s daily coronavirus-death record topped 4,000 this week, its president says he has no plans to take any kind of action.

3.  Our Favorite Toilet Paper-Saving Bidet Is on Sale Right Now

 WIPE OUT 

This simple-to-use, and easy-to-install bidet is on sale right now.

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4.  DA Seizes Records From Trump Honcho’s Ex-Daughter-in-Law

 BODY OF EVIDENCE 

A grand jury subpoena sought the bank, credit card, and tax records in the possession of the ex of Barry Weisselberg, son of the Trump Organization CFO.

5.  Dallas Cop Charged With Orchestrating Two Murders Walks Free

 WHAT A MESS 

Authorities initially alleged that Bryan Riser paid a friend almost $10,000 to kidnap two people in 2017. The charges are now dropped.

6.  This Tool Makes Mopping a Thing of the Past

 CLEAN IT UP 

Using the Tineco Floor ONE S3 feels like walking a dog that is really excited to lick the floor.

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7.  Rogue FL Guv Sues Feds to Allow Cruise Ships to Sail

 THAR HE BLOWS! 

Florida has three of the world’s busiest ports, and Ron DeSantis—who has been notoriously skeptical of coronavirus safety measures—wants the cash to flow.

8.  Japan Denies Plan to Vaxx Olympians Before Health Workers

 GET IN LINE 

After a report about the effort provoked entirely justifiable anger on social media, the government distanced itself from it.

9.  Texas Probes Claims Migrant Kids Being Assaulted at Facility

 ‘SAFETY NIGHTMARE’ 

Gov. Greg Abbott held a press conference outside the Freeman Coliseum, which is believed to be housing 1,300+ unaccompanied migrant teens.

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10.  Houston Woman With 24-Foot-Long Nails Finally Cuts Them Off

 TIME FOR A MANICURE 

The woman officially broke the world record for longest nails in 2018, back when they were almost 19 feet long.

11.  Writer Who Defended MAGA Riot Failed to Mention He Was There

  SEEMS RELEVANT 

Elliot Resnick, chief editor of the Jewish Press newspaper, wrote an article last month that attempted to justify the anger of the Trump supporters.

12.  Gaetz Bahamas Trip Scrutinized in Teen Sex Probe: Report

 GETAWAY 

The Florida congressman was reportedly accompanied on the island vacation by a hand surgeon/cannabis entrepreneur who footed the bill.

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13.  Boehner: Trump Screamed at My Aide for Golf Buddy Name Mixup

 ‘REAL ANGER’ 

In an extract from ex-Speaker John Boehner’s book, he recounts a frosty end to a game of golf with Trump in the 2000s.

14.  TX Man Gets 35 Years for Hiring Hitmen to Kill Dad

 FATHER-SON FIASCO 

Nicolas Shaughnessy stood to inherit $2 million, and police found he had remotely shut off his parents’ security system the morning of the murder.

15.  Kilmeade Jokes About Hannity Smelling ‘Like Liquor’

 ‘WAKEUP CALL’ 

“I don’t go to bed until 3 or 4 a.m. I'm a night owl. So, the odds of me getting up in time to be ready for Fox and Friends are pretty low,” Hannity told Kilmeade.

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