As someone who worked at a label in the late '80's, I can tell you women were in the minority, especially in the non-admin areas. Working in promotion, it was a weekly rite of passage to hang with the guys at the local strip club. There were always remarks made about my figure (I was 22 and had the advantage of being both athletic and not suffering the effects of gravity). I was also accused of sleeping with one of the artists on the label and fired. Was it true .. absolutely not. I was an innocent Jewish girl straight out of college radio who just loved music. The guy who fired me...he kept climbing the corporate ladder. He cheated on his wife with his secretary (who he also supplied with cocaine), furnished his house with free goods from trade, and is now head of one of the largest media companies in North America.
When I was younger I used to think that older women who complained about the "glass ceiling" were just bitter that they didn't get as far as they wanted. Sour grapes for not being good enough. Little did I know that there was a glass ceiling, and more important, women couldn't have it all. All of the consolidation that took place eliminated a generation of women in entertainment - on both the label side and the promoter side.
The ladies now in senior positions had to fight tooth and nail to get where they are, but there is a valley between them and the Gen X and millennials that follow. The way they do business is different and the work ethic is definitely not what it used to be. They think they can have it all, and they are in for a rude awakening.
Am I bitter and resentful...not in the least. I had fun, learned a lot, and have no regrets. Is the workplace a kinder, gentler place now...not in the least. In the new landscape, anything goes. Yes, men are being called out for bad behavior, but we have a culture now based on the President who is the "Bully in chief". We may have evolved, but as a society we are taking a huge step back.
I'm afraid for my daughter's generation. As much as things change, they stay the same. See the review on "American Girls" below. When we were kids there was just the telephone... I honestly don't think I would have survived adolescence in today's day of social media. If you don't think these issues are related, then I invite you to visit any middle / high school in America.
"American Girls,' by Nancy Jo Sales
www.nytimes.com/2016/03/27/books/review/american-girls-by-nancy-jo-sales.html
Simma Levine
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All men have two heads. Just have to figure out which should be in charge at any particular moment.
It's an art.
Richard Sales
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I'm very fortunate to have worked directly for some of the most powerful men in the music business, and also extremely fortunate to have never once been treated disrespectfully or been sexually harassed. Thankfully, I cannot relate to what she has gone through.
Maria Hoppe
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Unfortunately she's right on about our dicks ruling us. As far as any other comments she made, it's difficult for men to have an opinion because we can't see it from her perspective. It's like a White guy telling a Black guy racism doesn't exist because he doesn't see it.
Danny Jay
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Because you are mostly music-centric, there’s more than a few females who have worked in the music biz who have not experienced harassment of some sort.
We don’t expect the guys who are kind and good and supportive to understand what it’s like to be in these type of situations with losers that are the polar opposite.
(And for those that think we think or attract this nonsense, make believe it was your mother being harassed.)
When this news broke, I immediately remembered two instances.
One was a three-way my boss wanted to arrange with him and his wife. (No thank you!)
The other was while on the road, where I was called to the hotel room because “HE" was just too tired from the show the night before. He was threatening to fire our firm mid-way through the tour and wanted to have a lunch meeting to air his grievances.
The road manager let me in. I sat in the living room. The room service cart was set up with lunch. The road manager left. Out walked our rock star in a bathrobe that barely covered his whatever that thing was.
I wasn’t sure which turned me off more; his ignorance or his arrogance.
BTW I think he receives your emails, so pal, if you’re reading this - go fuck yourself, cause I never did.
(If you post this, please hold my name. Life’s too short to deal with any more morons.)
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From Jay Jay French
Dear Bob
Twisted Sister was signed to Atlantic Records from '83 to '88.
During that time several top execs would appear at shows with their "neice's".
That was the code word.
I, however didn't know that for a while until one night I actually brought my real 18 year old neice to an INXS show at Radio City.
I brought her into the dressing room after the show and all the execs were there as I introduced my neice. I got alot of "attaboy"
Comments until I realized what they were thinking.
I quickly pulled some aside and explained that she really was my neice.
It was pretty funny but my neice, after I told her, wasn't laughing.
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Pretty much every professional woman I know working in entertainment has SOME kind of story or experience with this, maybe it was a "late night" job interview, where the guy put her hand on his crotch or practically getting attacked being "dropped at their car" or in some other (uncomfortable way ) been heavily come onto on the job by the boss or guy in power, in a position to "do a lot" for them... Really like 99%. Seems there quietly been acceptance, "it's the way of the world...." that's just how it IS" but, now, in the transparent Internet age, and more of a level playing field, hopefully it maybe changing... Did you ever happen to hear Carly Simon's interview on Alec Baldwin's "Here's the thing?" www.wnyc.org/story/carly-simon-was-afraid-spotlight-and-still/ ?
In it she details how, after refusing the advances of "casting couch" a big deal record producer guy wrecked a song they were working on in production. As punishment, he killed her chance... She kept at it it says it took a couple more years before she found others to work with and get another shot.
Makes you wonder how many female talents, back in the day, may have had similar experiences, but then never got a second shot at it. And audiences may have missed out and never got to know about them.
Valerie Geller
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Powerful email from Laura. I've not a lot of work experience in office settings where multitudes of power dynamics are at play but I can only imagine how bad it is out there for women. We spend half our lives at work and a lot of people surely think it's a environment that is no different than college or the bar - but it is - you're at work to work, not to hit on your subordinates. She's being nice to you and laughing at your shitty jokes because you're her boss not cause she likes you. Professional behaviour is something which goes out the door at most companies, bosses want to seem hip and cool and employees want to keep their jobs and get paid. Abuse of power should come as no surprise, it's an epidemic. As men, we must do better and treat our coworkers how we would like to be treated - with respect. Sure we may fuck up and no one is perfect, but these are not isolated cases, vigilance is needed on all fronts; we're all part of the problem.
Be well,
Aidan Mouëllic
Vancouver, BC
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I worked in Hollywood for a couple of less than powerful men in the last era of human existence (i.e. no twitter) but it was the same story.
At one of my first jobs as a receptionist and script reader at a small production company when I was like 20 years old I was repeatedly told my voice was sexy over the phone. Which it's not, by the way-- it's whiny. My boss at that job once pointed to a woman out in the hallway and said to me, "I fucked her in the ass." His friend, a faded 80s teen heartthrob, came in to the office once and said something to me about my vagina, the particulars of which I have literally blocked out because I was so mortified in the moment. It was also the biggest turn off ever.
Another boss I had had cast an actress in one of his early films who had subsequently became very famous eventually, and he made the point of telling me he'd fucked her. Then one day he asked me to buy him new underwear because he had been fucking one of the ad execs he was directing a commercial for all night.
Now let me make something clear, I was NEVER asking for this kind of intimate information. I never shared anything intimate, and was young, idealistic, and concerned with doing a good job and learning the industry. But what I learned was that men in the movie industry don't really ever grow up, and they maintain the same relationship to and understanding of the female sex that they probably developed by the time they were 12 or 13.
Now I'm a rock n roller, eeking out a living in Deap Vally. As a female drummer I am asked why it's like to be a female in the music industry in 97% of interviews. I never get too soapboxy about it, because the truth is, misogyny in the music industry has NOTHING on the pervasive culture of delayed adolescent sexuality in the film industry.
Puke.
Julie Pirrone
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Bob - people harassing Laura is just nuts. I hope she sends you a few that you can publish so we can see what the cockroaches look like when the lights are on. Men don’t have a playbook for what it means to be a woman. Not a surprise some would attack the messenger and ignore the message.
Trevor Jeff
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Reading the comments before I finished Laura's original E.
The last line was mentioned several times.
So I went back and finished Laura's.
What was so great about "Sent from my iPhone" ?
I mean, it's good. But...
Scott Sechman
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One more thing about this, Bob - don’t you love it that she wrote it on her phone?!!
Martha West
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Great email from Laura DiMichele.
Rules actual men play by:
1) Never dip the nib in the company ink - colleagues, associates, assistants, interns and - most of all - clients. All off limits. Always.
2) Women have very long memories and enjoy "sharing". One handsy incident and you can bugger up a career.
3) Women totally appreciate being treated with respect and with a bit of old-fashioned courtesy. They remember that too.
4) For you young guys coming up: news flash, you are going to have a female boss at some point. And she'll know.
5) Work is work, fun is fun: not hard to tell the difference even in a club at 2AM on business - if you know her from work, put her, gently, in a cab. Alone.
Cheers,
Jay Currie
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I wonder if Stu Cohen is a man. That might explain why he didn't see one ounce of that behavior. His response is exactly what clueless white people tell black people about their own experience: I didn't experience it, so neither did you.
Rob Getzschman
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stu cohen is part of the problem.......
Denise Mello
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These responses tell you everything you need to know about men being complicit in behavior like Weinstein's.
Every woman: This has happened to me multiple times from multiple men, I believe other women when they say it happened to them.
Ignorant men: I never saw him do it, you're a liar.
Matt Stuart
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She was to point. Noticed all the folks who responded that “she had an axe to grind” or with u until last sentence, or a criticism appeared to be men. Which proves her point. Thank you Laura.
JC
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The responses say SO MUCH about the responders. The guilty who doth protest too much, the innocent men and preyed upon women with their “amens” and praise. It’s an interesting world and it takes all kinds but I just wish there were more consensus on good and bad, right and wrong.
Sherry Goffin Kondor
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God it's almost hilarious when men play dumb. What the hell man. If you have not lived life as woman, then you don't know what it's like.. That goes for every group, every minority...
I'm 22 years old, white, female, lesbian, and I've been discriminated against because of my gender and sexuality but not because of my race. So I don't assume I know what it's like to live life in a racist country like this as a person of color.
I'm busking on the street last night in downtown Burbank, just me and my guitar, and this guy comes up to me and says "I think you're really attractive" and won't leave me alone, just keeps harassing me and saying sexual things.. I tell him to leave, I'm firm, but he won't go. A man in a business suit mouths at me "You ok?" and I shake my head, ask him to tell him to leave and he shrugs his shoulders, says "I can't tell him to leave. He's not doing anything."
Truth is I'm stressed out, I feel powerless & threatened.. When I was on tour, walking home from the gig to the van at night, I was pushed up against a wall and sexually assaulted. And then you have the classic being-groped-on-the-bus.. being heckled..etc all reasons why I'm nervous when this dude doesn't leave me alone.
So anyway I start packing up my gear, and I'm around the corner of an alley, there aren't many people around, and the guy leans over me, holding out his hand to me. I'm saying "NO". And then around the corner comes the guy in the business suit and two other guys. They get him out of my face, he buggers off, and they're all staring at me, shocked, because I'm crying, I havn't felt that disempowered in a long time.
I hated that for two reasons:
1. I had to rely on other men to stand up for me because creepy guy wouldn't listen to me..
2. The men didn't perceive him to be doing anything wrong in the first place.
I want to be strong and SCREAM NO, more fierce than anyone's heckling. I always want to. Then I would I be considered to be a bitch?
Like when my wife and I are out on a date, and when guys find out we are married, a romantic item, they ask for a threesome. Thanks a bunch Hugh Hefner.
I wrote this song about my favorite fictional female heroine from good ol' Game of Thrones:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=voRoFfbz7Ik
Best,
Eden Iris
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I don’t know a single woman who hasn’t had to fight off unwanted sexual advances. Not one. If there is a woman out there who says she never has, she is either lucky or a liar.
I am reminded of the the BLM movement, although I don’t equate fighting off lecherous men to black bodies lying in the streets.
Black men have been telling us for decades that they are harassed by police. And for decades, white people have disbelieved, or said it was somehow black men’s fault, or that black people commit more crimes, or some similar bullshit. Now, we have video proof, and not just one video, but video after video after video of black men and boys in retreat being shot by police. And still, some white people disbelieve. Still, somehow the victim gets blamed. No matter how many times we see it, the fault lies not with the shooter but with the victim, both in the eyes of the public and the justice system.
Women have for centuries been fighting off unwanted sexual advances by men - from girlhood through adulthood. We have ample proof, even if it is just the women you know who tell you it is so. Ailes, O’Reilly, and Weinstein are only recent evidence. Hell, we elected a man who gleefully recounts grabbing women by the pussy and kissing them because he’s a “star” and can get away with it. And still, somehow it is the blonde hair and the red convertible that are to blame. Or the miniskirt, or too many drinks, or visiting the hotel room of a man, and on and on and on.
Men are ruled by their dicks. And there are good men who realize they are, but know they shouldn’t be, and therefore aren’t. And who’s a fucking snowflake? Me because I’m a liberal and support BLM and the woman’s march? Or the asshole who won’t just go home, whack off, and then behave appropriately?
Laine Noe
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Bravo Ms. DiMichele! Now 61, when I graduated from High School I was unable to have my own credit card or buy my own home. Because I was Female.
Today, we are still judged by the way we dress, particularly when rape is involved. And birth control, not Viagra is on the chopping block.
As a business owner, I have men on my payroll and still, at 61, I have to navigate the sexual innuendo. If I fired every man for it, I wouldn't have a crew.
Mine was an Officer who came upon my son and I when my car broke down late one night, roadside. Upon taking us home and carrying my sleeping son upstairs he pressed me against my dining room table, reminding me he now knew where I lived.
Not one man in my life... and they were all Good Men... not a single one took an ounce of action. In fact, I was told I should have been flattered. But I wasn't. I was terrified.
You know, I could go on, but this Nasty Woman has to go write paychecks. Just 2 weeks ago I let a guy go after he made a comment about my tits as I was handing him his check. He was sincerely shocked. "Hey, don't be so mad. At least we're still looking!" Ugh. Please. Then again, I guess I should be more careful of the way I dress...
"Bailiff.... whack their peepees!" I'm exhausted, already.
Elizabeth
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Jesus,
I'm fucking shocked and embarrassed. These male responses are insane, insane.
They don't even have the intellect to hold the thought in their pea brains. Fucking Neanderthals. Did you even read what she said? You're who she was writing about. The women you've harassed don't even have to quote you by name, you're outing yourselves.
Michael Aiken
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