| Drunk Area Man Struck By His Own Car. In my neck of the woods in Fairfax County, Virginia, a drunk driver tried escaping from his car on foot to thwart the police . . . only to be struck by his own car. Stink Bug Nightmare. Growing up in Ohio, “stink bugs” were not really a thing. But after I moved to Virginia, I learned about these horrid creatures firsthand. Move over bed bugs, these things are monsters. Can you imagine having 26,000 of these in your house? Time to move. Why Cohn is Gone. Today’s podcast features John McCormack and Grant Wishard on Gary Cohn’s departure and Grant’s interrupted trip to Mexico. In that same vein, here is Kelly Torrance at the Spectator wondering whether Cohn’s departure will trigger chaos in the West Wing. If you’re a trade-obsessed nerd like I am, peel back another layer of the onion and listen to Alex Lawson from Law360 on the coming trade war and what Cohn’s departure means. (And if you want to win the loser of the day award, read this letter from 1930 signed by economists who opposed to the Smoot-Hawley Tariff Act. Anyone? Anyone?) Best Times Correction Ever? Is this a first? “Because of an editing error involving a satirical text-swapping web browser extension, an earlier version of this article misquoted a passage from an article by the Times reporter Jim Tankersley. The sentence referred to America’s narrowing trade deficit during “the Great Recession,” not during “the Time of Shedding and Cold Rocks.” (Pro tip: Disable your “Millennials to Snake People” extension when copying and pasting.) A ‘Maddeningly Sorrowful’ Tale. This Twitter thread about P.S. Ruckman, Jr., who murdered his sons and took his own life is seriously depressing. Ruckman was one of the world’s foremost authorities on Presidential pardons. The Grandkids Are Alright. Did you know our tenth president, John Tyler, has two living grandsons? Details here. Bureaucracy Fails Again! Since WWII, a Monet has been missing. Turns out the Louvre had it all along, but didn’t know it. Save the date! Join us at the 2018 Weekly Standard Summit. This May 17-20 at the historic Broadmoor resort in Colorado Springs, join Stephen F. Hayes, Fred Barnes, and Michael Warren and special guests Bret Baier and A.B. Stoddard as they discuss the future of American politics. Book your tickets now. —Jim Swift, deputy online editor. —30— | 