When does commitment to parental respect conflict with doing the right thing?

That’s the one of the complex, age-old questions that a new CT article by Karen Wong ponders. In “‘Honoring’ Your Father and Mother Isn’t Always Biblical,” Wong describes the ways that the concept of filial piety—a Confucian idea that advocates for an attitude of devotion and obedience toward parents—can damage parent-child relationships.

So can honoring the fifth commandment do the same?

“Scripture instructs both the children and the parents to obey the Lord,” writes Wong. “But nowhere does the Bible teach that parents’ requirements are equal to the Lord’s commands. Parents, after all, are humans who make mistakes.”

Jon Ward explores a similar question in his recent appearance on The Russell Moore Show. In sharing some of the ways that he and his father have disagreed, which are documented in Ward’s forthcoming book, Ward says that the process of sharing his writing with his father actually led to greater closeness for them. In other words, what may have initially seemed like an act of dishonor, when approached with true love and respect, was an act of great care for his dad.

Such situations are not easily navigated, nor will we always get them right. But perhaps in recognizing that grace covers our attempts not to blindly obey, nor to demand blind obedience, but to honor with pure hearts, we can find our way forward as parents and children alike.