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We Need to Have Some Difficult Conversations
If we want to get better as a team, family, and country we must have difficult conversations!
Too often we avoid difficult conversations because we don’t want to rock the boat. We are afraid of conflict and disagreement.
We live in a world filled with "likes" on social media and many are afraid of speaking up and being disliked.
We are also scared to have difficult conversations because we don’t know how to have the conversation or because of fear that the conversation will ruin our relationships.
The truth is if you don’t know how to have a difficult conversation it could cause issues and hurt the relationship and team.
It’s okay to disagree with others and, in fact, it’s having disagreements in a constructive way that leads to improvement and growth.
The key word here is constructive.
Unfortunately much of our discourse driven by the media and politics have become destructive.
My co-author Amy Kelly and I knew we needed to give individuals, teams and organizations tools to have effective and constructive difficult conversations and that lead to our book, Difficult Conversations Don’t have to be Difficult and the STAR3 model.
The STAR3 Model:
S-small ego, big mission T-tell the truth A-assume positive intent R-rules of engagement are the key R-respect each other even if you disagree R-relationships are everything. Don’t let the disagreement or debate ruin the relationship.
We hope the book and model give you the confidence and skill to have the conversations you must have in order to get better individually and collectively.
Done right, difficult conversations make our relationships, team, family and country stronger.
James Aiken is the Admiral of the 4th Fleet. He’s spent over 3 decades in the Navy keeping the United States safe. He is a leader who studies leadership and shares the leadership principles and lessons that guides him and those he leads.
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