Post to the Host

Dear GK, 

I emailed Joe Biden at the White House a few weeks ago, to suggest a few ideas about his appearance of being “a dead man walking.” I did so because I am older than he is and consider myself to be a geezer authority. Here is what I said about his appearance:

1.            Get rid of that hanging shelf of hair on the back of your neck.

2.            When speaking, slow down. You’re the president. You are allowed to take all the time you need. Stuttering is of no consequence, rushing is. Media won’t cut away for a “short” commercial. 

3.            Don’t shuffle when you walk. Stand erect, taking slower measured, slightly longer paces while swinging your arms.

These three things do not also require a horse, playing golf, or shooting animals. I do think there is a possibility that they would give the appearance of being a few years younger. 

I’m expecting his response any day now.

Thanks,

Scott Taylor, 87

I hope he reads it, Mr. Taylor, and if you have any suggestions for me, pass those along. My wife thinks I talk too much about her and also about being old, but I’m fascinated by both topics. She also wishes I would stand up straight and not wear black suits. GK

GK,

In your recent column, you say that much of your past in Minnesota is something you don’t care to relive. I certainly hope that you realize that Minnesota also played a part in making you wildly successful. There must also be things you remember with love about your dear old state. Pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth can happen anywhere. Don’t blame it on Minnesota.

Brenda M.

St. Paul

I didn’t. And I don’t. My mistakes are my own. GK

Garrison,

Like you, President Biden is eighty years old, and as you know, many believe that this is too old to serve as president. Do you have an opinion about this? What do you think about Robert F. Kennedy Jr. running against Biden in the primary?

Greg Barnes

Anyone can run in a primary, just as anyone can say that vaccines contribute to autism. As for the president, I think he’s done awfully well with what he has to work with, namely Congress, the Supremes, and the media. I think Mr. Putin is hoping Biden will be defeated by someone who considers Russian aggression to be a “territorial dispute.” There are serious problems to be dealt with and I don’t have much patience for people trying to fight a cultural war against “woke,” whatever they think that might be. Just my opinion. GK

Dear Mr. Keillor,

I think your introduction to Good Poems for Hard Times is stunning in its scope and wisdom. I’m wondering if you would be interested in making it available somewhere on your website so that more people can read it, download it, forward it to friends, etc., and basically let it circulate among a larger group of people than would typically buy a poetry book but would nevertheless agree with you and be inspired to explore more poetry.

Thank you for writing it. Great stuff.

Warmest wishes,
Sharon DeCelle

I don’t go back and read stuff I’ve written but I’ll make an exception in this case. As soon as I’m done clearing out this apartment. GK

GK,

I truly hope this message finds its way to Mr. Keillor. My wife and I watched your performance last night (July 9, 2023) at Lexington, Virginia’s Lime Kiln Theater. We were delighted, entertained and heartwarmed (if that’s even a word)! Your ability to bring comradery, fellowship, and uplifting feelings to the audience is unsurpassed. Please keep being the person you are and keep doing what you’re doing. Thank you.

Curt Kaloostian

I am an introvert, Curt. My wife tells me so and she should know. I fell in love with her because she is a delight to converse with. But in my private life, I’m quite content to sit in a quiet room alone and put stuff on paper or tap out emails or commune over the phone, so that evening at the little amphitheater in Lexington was wildly exciting to me, like a two-hour ride on the Cyclone at an amusement park since when I came through the crowd to the stage, my mind was a blank and I had to pull stuff out of my head, strand by strand, and it was wildly interesting. So different from doing the radio show, which had a program and scripts. Just saying that I had even more fun than you did, so there’s no need for thanks. But thanks anyway. GK

Garrison,

Texas and Florida are two states that are (in my opinion) led by right-wing crazies. I recently learned that Florida is seeing a decline in tourism because people are boycotting the state due to the policies of Ron DeSantis. What do you think of this? Should we boycott states knowing that this potentially harms those who are working hard just to support themselves? Or should we continue to take our kids to Disney World?

Theresa

It’s a free country, Theresa, and you can go to Florida or not, as you wish, for whatever reason. I plan to go to the Grand Canyon in August and the Caribbean in December, but the motive is to see vast grandeur and to take a break from winter. GK

Hi, Garrison.

I just heard on CNN that a union representing actors is going on strike after talks with major studios and streaming services have failed. Would this influence the actors appearing with you on the APHC 50^th Anniversary shows? I’m assuming the writers’ strike doesn’t matter since you write all your own material, right?

Gracie

I’m not a member of the writer’s union and AFTRA is about broadcasting, there is no union for stand-up comics and storytellers that I’m aware of. The actors will make their own decisions, of course. GK

GK,

I believe you are a privileged white man and would love to know what you think about reparations to Black Americans years after slavery ended. I can’t believe they still think we owe them something, but perhaps I just don’t get it being an older white woman.

Genny Fray

Atlanta, Georgia

I’ve enjoyed many privileges, having a grandma who was a schoolteacher, being a child of hard-working people, having grown up with the King James Bible and being encouraged to write. What happened after the Civil War, under the name Reconstruction, was more like Deconstruction, Jim Crow and scandalous treatment of minorities, but I believe that reparations to individuals would be impossible to assess — to put a dollar value on levels of suffering and deprivation — and other minorities would need to be considered. And then there are the kids who suffered a lousy primary education and never recovered from it, whereas I was privileged to have Estelle Shaver and Fern Moehlenbrock. I’ve been grateful to those women for the past 75 years. GK

Sir:

Your website profile says you live in Minneapolis. The daily emails I receive describe home as New York City. Are you the sort of man who makes up stories? Or do you just need to clean up your website?

Susan

We’re clearing out of Minneapolis this month and when all the furniture and boxes go out the door, I’ll scratch Minneapolis from the profile. I don’t make up stories about myself. GK

GK,

On a PHC you wrote lyrics, as you sometimes did, for a well-known piece of music. This time, it was one of Handel’s Water Music Suites. I memorized the chorus you wrote and still sing it when I hear the music: So we talk/Standing in the dark/Leaning on the car/Saying nothing new/Simply holding on, my friend/You and me. I am missing the verses you wrote. After all these years, would you be able to send them to me?

Deborah Gressley

I like your house and I love your family, my friend, You’re a true friend, you make me feel at home. Standing tonight in the yard here around the car, So peaceful the moonlight, we can’t get in and go. So we talk, stand around and talk, talking in the dark, Leaning on the car, saying nothing new, Simply holding on, my friend, me and you. It’s ten o’clock so we better go now, my friend, Gotta go, friend, so we’ll just stay a little while Standing tonight in the yard all around the car, The children asleep in the back seat in a pile. So we talk, stand around and talk, talking in the dark, Leaning on the car, sweet society, my friend, you and me. 

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Return to America’s most beloved fictional hometown with Boom Town: A Lake Wobegon novel read by Garrison Keillor! CLICK HERE for the audio book CD. CLICK HERE for the MP3 download.