Halloween used to be all about ghosts and witches. But what was a holiday laden with cobwebs and cauldrons has become all about something else: the zeitgeist.

To put it simply, broomsticks are so last season. Nowadays, it’s all about the Halloween hot take. The entire month of October has become a prime opportunity to show off your wide-ranging pop culture knowledge. It’s an IRL quiz among Halloween goers as they try to out-smart and out-meme one another with “if you know, you know” costumes.

But while it’s all about the current, the real Halloween joy comes from DIY and hunting for vintage costumes rather than buying new. Trust us, a lovingly crafted offbeat reference will earn you much more cultural cachet than a shop-bought sexy kitten. So, ahead of next week, here are seven of the most “2024” costumes to get you started.

It’s raining Rish

For the most authentic take on the ousted Conservative prime minister, you better hope it rains. Dig out your fanciest suit, finish with a Tory blue tie and shiny loafers (the former PM favoured Prada when he wasn’t ruining Sambas for the rest of us) then go stand outside, ideally in a downpour, in front of a lectern while Things Can Only Get Better blares in the background.

It’s important to keep your head held high as the rain pelts your face. You’ll know you’ve nailed the look when droplets start dripping down your hair and accumulating on your shoulders. Remain defiant.

A brat

It’s been four months since Charli xcx released her album Brat, which quickly became the mood of summer. If you don’t know what brat is by now then I’m afraid this is not the look for you – it would be like dressing up as Mia Wallace without seeing Pulp Fiction.

For the true brats among us, there are many iterations to choose from. You could follow Charli’s advice and stick to the brat essentials – “A pack of cigs, a Bic lighter and a strappy white top with no bra.” Alternatively, you could dress head-to-toe in brat green, that particular lurid shade co-opted by everyone from the Green party to Kamala Harris. Or you could wear a “365 PARTYGIRL” baby tee and some tiny shorts. You could also pop on a pair of black wraparound sunglasses, carry around a pile of pants or a singular granny smith apple. Just remember: it’s Halloween brat and it’s completely different but also still brat.

The Substance

This grisly body horror is the perfect fodder for a friends/couples costume. For Demi Moore’s character Elisabeth Sparkle, you’ll need a banana yellow coat, tobacco-coloured gloves and oversized black sunglasses. That small cardboard box that’s been cluttering your hallway for the past week? Pick that up and hold it under your arm. For Elisabeth’s “better version” (AKA Margaret Qualley’s Sue), go for a pink lamé bodysuit straight out of an 80s aerobics class. Add matching pink leg warmers and eyeshadow, then walk around screaming “control yourself” when anyone looks your way.

Moo Deng

Dressing like the internet’s favourite baby pygmy hippo isn’t easy – but it is a guaranteed conversation starter. Especially if you want to draw attention to the endangered native West African species. While you could go for a hippo-themed onesie or grey sweatpants, the key to emulating this one-year-old is shiny skin – really shiny skin – and a sassy attitude. Pour on the baby oil, then get to work on those outraged facial expressions. As for accessories? It’s all about Moo Deng’s beloved garden hose.

Timothée Chalamet

While the above image of Timothée Chalamet was taken on the set of his next film, the American sports drama Marty Supreme, he could have equally been snapped working in any number of London’s natty wine bars/small plates restaurants. For those not au fait, start with a pair of wide-legged trousers and a tight white vest. Next comes a baggy shirt, unbuttoned over the top. Add a delicate chain necklace or pearls and some wire-framed spectacles. To complete the look you’ll need to grow a rat-boy tache. The perfect whisker level? Equivalent to those early days of Movember.

Donald Trump

With Halloween falling mere days before the US election, a ghoulish take on Trump is an easy choice. But rather than going for an obvious ear bandage or Maga hat, why not channel his McDonald’s stunt and opt for an apron? You’ll also need a white shirt (note the French cuffs) and of course, a Republican ketchup-red tie. Don’t forget to swing by your closest golden arches to pick up your final prop: his favourite extra-salted fries.

The Gallaghers

These heroes of Britpop are an easy “cultural reference costume” win. Plus, their wardrobe staples – polo shirts to baggy jeans, football jerseys to hooded parka jackets – are not only easy to come by but also practical for when you inevitably end up hovering around outside moaning about the queue for reunion tour tickets. While Liam has recently fronted campaigns for Stone Island and Berghaus, secondhand sites are full of jackets that will help you get his look. Accessories are key, too, for Gallagher brother cosplay. Think a bucket hat, tinted sunglasses and battered trainers. A can of lager and plenty of swagger will round it off.

What’s hot – and what’s most definitely not – this week

Going up

Bananas | An unlikely supporting character in Jonathan Anderson’s cover shoot for T magazine.

Blanket stitch | From It-scarf coats to Tekla blankets and everything in between, the decorative stitch is enjoying a moment away from the craft cupboard.

Incognito menus | In alarming news for those who like to plan what they’re eating before they’ve even put a napkin on their lap: restaurants are gatekeeping dining details.

Going down

Candy cane ornaments | May we point you towards this Miranda Priestly glass decoration, complete with a glossy Runway magazine. That’s all.

Ponytails | The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives has given us plenty of drama and, judging by TikTok, a fascination with “Utah curls”. Tutorials on how to get the hairstyle, featuring long beachy waves with a slightly straightened end, are ratcheting up millions of views.

Soft beanies | The headgear favoured by the likes of Colin Farrell gives Chloë Sevigny the ick.

Chloe Mac Donnell, deputy fashion and lifestyle editor, solves your wardrobe dilemmas

Q: I am a keen golfer but am struggling to find a winter jacket that combines freedom of movement with warmth and, ideally, is waterproof. Help! – Margaret

A: I’d start by exploring brands that specialise in jackets for hill walking or rock climbing. The design process factor for these companies, when it comes to things like armpits not being too tight and hemlines not riding up, will be more considered.

Finisterre has a lightweight version that can easily be rolled up and stored in a golf bag, which is handy for those on-off drizzly days. Berghaus has a couple of different options that are actually waterproof (rather than resistant), while Patagonia’s boulder jacket has an adjustable hat with a visor – ideal for those days when it’s bucketing it down.

Got your own style question? Send it to fashionstatement@theguardian.com.