| A Client's Journey
Brian is a plumber who lives with his partner Jane and their three children, Michael (15), Jessica (13) and Josh (9). Brian was raised in a family where everyone was expected to do as they were told. During his upbringing and his apprentice years, Brian was shouted at, belittled and criticised. He was effectively bullied into ‘being a man’. This became the way he behaved with his partner and children.
By the time Michael was 15, he was struggling at school, felt anxious and – in Brian’s words – ‘was afraid of his own shadow’. When Brian raised his voice at home, Michael cried. Jessica had stopped talking to Brian and Josh was barely noticed. One of the issues that brought Brian to counselling was that Jane found out that Josh had packed and hidden a bag so that he could run away when Brian was ‘losing it’.
Brian and Jane began couples counselling at Relationship Matters, where these issues were raised for the first time. Jane had previously felt unsafe about his possible reaction. The counsellor encouraged Brian to attend the Men’s Behaviour Change Program (MBCP).
Through the 20 weeks of the program, Brian was open in sharing his thoughts and slowly came to see the impact of his behaviour on his family. At first, he struggled to accept that his violence and coercive behaviour had affected his children. He felt ashamed and embarrassed. Jane and the children were able to access support while Brian was attending the MBCP.
By the end of the program, Brian reported that while his relationship with Jane was not perfect, it had improved. He felt that with time she would start to trust him again. He had apologised to his children for how he had behaved over the years and disclosed that he was catching himself before he ‘blew up’ like he used to. He believed his children saw his efforts to not behave the way he had in the past, and that they were more at ease in his presence. | 
