Richard Rohr's Daily Meditation

From the Center for Action and Contemplation

Week Fifteen: Friendship and Grace

Love and Friendship

When you looked at me

your eyes imprinted your grace in me;

for this you loved me ardently;

and thus my eyes deserved

to adore what they beheld in you. . . .

Let us go forth to behold ourselves in your beauty.

—John of the Cross, “The Spiritual Canticle,” stanzas 32, 36

When we read poetry as beautiful and profound as this verse, we can see why John of the Cross (1542–1591) was far ahead of his time in the spiritual and psychological understanding of how love works and how true love changes us at a deep level. He consistently speaks of divine love as the template and model for all human love, and human love as the necessary school and preparation for any transcendent encounter. Authentic friendship with another person is one way to experience this type of love and will be the focus of this week’s meditations. If you have never experienced such human love or friendship, it will be very hard for you to access God as Love. If you have never let God love you, you will not know how to love humanly in the deepest way. Of course, grace can overcome both of these limitations.

Here is my paraphrase of this beautiful passage from John of the Cross:

You give a piece of yourself to the other.

You see a piece of yourself in the other (usually unconsciously).

This allows the other to do the same in return.

You do not need or demand anything back from them,

Because you know that you are both participating

In a single, Bigger Gazing and Loving—

One that fully satisfies and creates an immense Inner Aliveness.

(Simply to love is its own reward.)

You accept being accepted—for no reason and by no criteria whatsoever!

This is the key that unlocks everything in me, for others,

and toward God.

So much so that we call it “salvation”!

To put it another way, what I let God see and accept in me also becomes what I can then see and accept in myself, in my friends, and in everything else. This is “radical grace.” This is why it is crucial to allow God, and at least one other trusted person to see us in our imperfection and even our nakedness, as we are—rather than as we would ideally wish to be. It is also why we must give others this same experience of being looked upon in their imperfection; otherwise, they will never know the essential and transformative mystery of grace.

Such utterly free and gratuitous love is the only love that validates, transforms, and changes us at the deepest levels of consciousness. It is what we all desire and what we were created for. Once we allow it for ourselves, we will almost naturally become a conduit of the same for others. In fact, nothing else will attract us anymore or even make much sense.

Adapted from Richard Rohr, The Naked Now: Learning to See as the Mystics See (Crossroad: 2009), 140–141.

Image credit: Suzanne Szasz, Taking a Close Look at Nature at High Rock Park in Staten Island (detail), 1973, photograph, public domain.

Image inspiration: Friends of all kinds surround and hold us.

Prayer For Our Community

Loving God, you fill all things with a fullness and hope that we can never comprehend. Thank you for leading us into a time where more of reality is being unveiled for us all to see. We pray that you will take away our natural temptation for cynicism, denial, fear and despair. Help us have the courage to awaken to greater truth, greater humility, and greater care for one another. May we place our hope in what matters and what lasts, trusting in your eternal presence and love. Listen to our hearts’ longings for the healing of our suffering world. Please add your own intentions . . . Knowing, good God, you are hearing us better than we are speaking, we offer these prayers in all the holy names of God. Amen.
Listen to Father Richard pray this prayer aloud.

Story From Our Community

I learned from Richard Rohr, and mystics like John of the Cross, that growing in humanity is a choice to grow in that great energy of love we call by many names, including God. I can learn something all the way to my last breath—even if it is learning to take the last breath. Life is awesome and deeply challenging when we fall into love's connectedness.
—Sarah L.
Share your own story with us.

News from the CAC

Turning to the Mystics Features John of the Cross

What can the mystics teach us about navigating the modern spiritual journey? Season three of our podcast Turning to the Mystics —featuring the life and wisdom of St. John of the Cross—reveals how great love and great suffering can guide us toward a deeper spiritual awakening of the present moment. Join CAC faculty member James Finley for this weekly podcast that includes sacred reading, reflection, and guided meditation.

The Contemplative Practice of Spiritual Companionship

Often a sacred companion, like a spiritual director, can guide our journey, reflecting back to us God’s presence in our lives and the world. That's why CAC partners with Spiritual Directors International (SDI), a global learning community connecting seekers with spiritual directors. We invite you to learn more about spiritual companionship and SDI, and also discover contemplative and practical wisdom from teachers like Richard Rohr, Barbara Holmes, Mirabai Starr, Sr. Joan Chittister, Roshi Joan Halifax, and more at their Renaissance 2021 online conference, held April 21-25, 2021.

Explore Richard Rohr's Daily Meditations archive at cac.org. 

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