Putin’s Minions Demand Grotesque ‘Rewards’ for Mass Killers

By Julia Davis

After a massacre in a Ukrainian city shocked the world, the Kremlin’s henchmen are now pushing for pay raises and debt forgiveness for those perpetuating the country’s bloodshed.

Cops Arrest 26-Year-Old Man in Sacramento Massacre

By Justin Rohrlich

Dandrae Martin, 26, was charged with assault with a firearm and being a prohibited person in possession of a firearm, according to Sacramento Police Chief Kathy Lester.

Ken Burns Shows Us How Benjamin Franklin Shaped Our World

By Nick Schager

The celebrated documentarian’s four-part PBS docuseries, premiering April 4, explores the revolutionary Founding Father in all his glory.

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Southwest Flier Arrested for Masturbating 4 Times on Flight

By Justin Rohrlich, Pilar Melendez

Antonio Sherrodd McGarity tried to claim he didn’t do anything wrong and in fact “thought it was kind of kinky,” court documents allege.

BTS Fans Scorch Aussie Talk Show Over Racist COVID Joke

By Jordan Julian

K-pop fans got the hashtag #StopAsianHate to trend on Twitter after talk show “The Project” suggested that BTS spread the virus at last night’s Grammys.

France’s Porn Ultimatum May Lack Happy Ending

By Peter Yeung

Major porn sites in France could be blocked by the courts within weeks after website owners failed to introduce age checks.

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Torture Room Found After Putin’s Killing Spree, Ukraine Says

By Shannon Vavra

Authorities have discovered a torture room Russia allegedly used to torture and kill Ukrainians, according to an alert from Ukraine’s Prosecutor General’s Office.

The UN’s Latest Climate Report Is a Final Warning for Action

By Neel V. Patel

“It’s now or never.”

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1. Amazon’s New Staff App Will Block ‘Bad Words’ Like ‘Union’

 CENSORED 

An “auto bad word monitor” was initially designed to block profanities, but words associated with unionizing were later added, according to docs leaked to The Intercept.

2. Dead Rapper Put on Display at D.C. Club for Bizarre Party

 FROM THE GRAVE 

Videos from the Sunday night event, billed as “The Last Show,” show what appeared to be the embalmed rapper propped up beside the DJ booth.

3. Shoppers Say This Cream Takes Years Off Their Décolletage

 DON’T NEGLECT THE NECK 

Dermelect’s new Self Esteem neck cream smooths out fine lines while reversing years of sun damage.

4. Biden and Kamala’s Latest Critic: Elon Musk’s Mother

 MAMA BEAR 

The septuagenarian model insisted that the POTUS and VP are “completely unaware of the world’s most advanced rockets and spacecraft.”

5. Wild Dallas Concert That Left 1 Dead Had No Permit: Cops

 TERRIFYING 

“The shots went off and the whole crowd just dropped on top of each other like trying to shield everybody, and everybody started running,” witness Doylnelia Hughes told FOX 4.

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