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Rocket dong

keep going :)

– Steph Harmon and Alyx Gorman

We can't stop talking about...

Half of the population is in lockdown. Many of them have young children who are obsessed with only one thing. For Ben Jenkins, it's a Thomas the Tank Engine podcast – and it has made him deranged.

Bondi blame / Things are getting toxic on the timeline too, where we've gone mad with thirst for a villain. Here, Brigid Delaney plays devil's advocate for Australia's suburb enemy number one.

Parrot brain / Also unhinged? Bin lids in cockatoo beaks. While we've been losing it in lockdown, they've been learning.

Feline game / Finally, an inspired flash of madness from the UK: strapping GPS trackers to cats to figure out what they're up to.

Cook this

A spinach switch / with cardamom and cashew

You can make this nourishing Sri Lankan-inspired curry fragrant and gentle, or engage in light masochism by ratcheting up the chillies.

Extremely online

It’s been a big week for Guys refusing to read the room, like this dong rocket who returned to earth with zero self-awareness, and the magnificent adult baby who became Twitter’s new main character. In local news, Australia is getting a lot of things wrong – but our fursonas are better than Netflix’s. In trends: Americore, underwire bikinis, over-inflated Doritos, going to the pool. In ends: Google Reader, Clubhouse, us.

The main news, of course, was the ultimate sunk cost that is Tokyo 2020: the already quite disastrous event which, after losing its opening ceremony's composer and artistic director in disgrace, kicked off last night with a restrained four-hour spectacle among surging Covid cases, no spectators, sick athletes, infected staff, possibly a typhoon and definitely a bear. Something for one-time backwater Brisbane to look forward to.

The funniest things on the internet

Patrick Lenton's guided tour / of his tabs

The outgoing editor of Junkee blames that job for breaking his brain. He pieced it together a final time to deliver this excellent list.

Top of the list

A series – we're obsessed with / By Enlightened creator Mike White, The White Lotus is the latest in the "rich, white, entitled asshole dystopia" genre – and it's extremely good. On Binge.

By Enlightened creator Mike White, The White Lotus is the latest in the

A quiz show – we overlooked / We have not been paying attention to Have You Been Paying Attention. According to Shaad D'Souza, whose opinion we trust more than our own, this has been a grave mistake.

We have not been paying attention to Have You Been Paying Attention. According to Shaad D'Souza, whose opinion we trust more than our own, this has been a grave mistake.

A book – about stories / Film-maker, writer, activist and academic Larissa Behrendt somehow had time to write a whole novel while also saving Collingwood from racism? And it's good? After Story is out now.

Film-maker, writer, activist and academic Larissa Behrendt somehow had time to write a whole novel while also saving Collingwood from racism? And it's good? After Story is out now.

An album – well, kind of / At time of publication, Kanye West's promised record Donda is still yet to materialise. Until it does, here's a dispatch from the listening party he held in Atlanta. It was ........ odd.

At time of publication, Kanye West's promised record Donda is still yet to materialise. Until it does, here's a dispatch from the listening party he held in Atlanta. It was ........ odd.

Try this

Spotlighting / A nighttime adventure that's still allowed

Bored? Restless? Out of your mind? Rug up, grab a torch and head for the nearest tree.

Answer this

10 quick questions / about the Olympics

Or if you hate going outside, spend some lockdown time with this very funny Games-themed quiz featuring Dawn Fraser, Eric the Eel and Fatso.

What people you read are reading

The Australia news live blog – by Guardian Australia staff / "All week i've been reading the 'never ending story' that is this blog. It's depressing and alarming most of the time, but the sad ingredients are leavened by the wit and the tone of the bloggers – Matilda, Nino, Naaman, Mick, Graham, Lisa, Calla, Luke, just to name a few."

– Recommended by Brigid Delaney, writer

'Never Have I Ever: I binged Mindy Kaling’s coming-of-age show. I’ve never felt so seen', by Zoya Patel / "It's the series we never knew we needed until it showed up on Netflix one random day during 2020's lockdowns. Zoya is right — I've never felt this seen by a TV show either."

– Recommended by Karishma Luthria, audio producer

'Without a "single bubble" during lockdown, NSW are switching off an energy source I need to survive', by Melanie Tait / "I can empathise so much with this situation, and I'm sure many others can too. Basically if you happen to live on your own and you're not banging anybody you're screwed (figuratively)."

- Recommended by Emma Kemp, deputy sport editor

This week's weirdest story

The juicy secrets / of winter mangoes

Growing summer fruits off season requires some ... creative methods. Including hanging barramundi in every second tree.

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