At the age of 12, Wendy Kiyomi accepted Jesus into her heart around the bonfire at church camp. Flames flickered, casting shadows on the face of the counselor who prayed for her that night on the Oregon coast.

Kiyomi tried to pray when she returned home. She implored God to help her "be better," which, in her preteen years, looked like no longer stealing her mom’s M&Ms hidden in the freezer or slamming her bedroom door in anger. She asked for help making the premier soccer team and turning an unrequited crush into a mutual one.

When neither happened, Kiyomi began to wonder if she had bad motives in her prayer life. She found herself sobbing into her pillow on family trips, weeping over how far from salvation her relatives seemed to be.

Adulthood brought new angst over prayer. When her adopted children struggled, Kiyomi begged for their relief but did not see it. The same was true when medical bills stacked up and when Kiyomi found herself the answer to the prayers of others but not receiving answers for herself.

"I can’t pray anymore," she finally told a friend. "The opposite of what I pray for keeps happening. I can’t muster the imagination. I can’t formulate the words."

"There’s this idea that if you can’t pray, you’re far from God," the friend replied. "But I think that when you can’t pray, you’re right there in the heart of God."

Kiyomi explores this idea in a recent CT article. Considering the concept of God as rescue, she considers fresh wisdom for thinking about and engaging in prayer. May her story and lessons learned guide us in understanding that even when we do not have the words to pray, God draws near to us.