The MediaMaster of the week is one that I've given the award to several times. The Plain English Campaign, founded by Chrissie Maher OBE in 1979, has been fighting gobbledygook ever since. This week the NHS has been under their scrutiny. Documents from NHS North Central London shared the experience of one patient's care that went wrong. It says due to "hand-offs, inefficiencies and suboptimal advice and information transfers" the "patient's pathway" went on for too long. Well done to the Plain English Campaign for continuing to highlight this utter nonsense.

The organisers (or at least the marketers) of the Cannes Film Festival win the MediaMug trophy more than a month before the event has even begun. They are accused of "slimming down" an archive image of the Italian actress Claudia Cardinale featured on the event's official poster. There's been an outcry on social media and Telerama magazine. said: "While the poster is magnificent, the photograph has clearly and deplorably been airbrushed to thin the actress's thighs and waist". Oh dear. Interestingly, Ms Cardinale herself is not bothered, but critics have argued that the action is insulting to women. I tend to agree.

A LUCKY BAG OF SPEAKING TIPS

Many, many years ago, I used to buy a Lucky Bag from the sweet shop on the way home from school. You never knew exactly what was inside, but it was guaranteed to be a set of tasty surprises. Here's a Lucky Bag of speaking tips for you.

1) Emphasise nouns, not adjectives For example, in a wedding speech, don't say "Isn't she a GORGEOUS, RADIANT, BEAUTIFUL bride?" Instead, say "Isn't she a gorgeous, radiant, beautiful, BRIDE? Try it. It works every time

2) Humour in your speeches should come from your experience If you think nothing funny ever happens to you, try keeping a notebook with you and jotting down everything that makes you laugh. The book will fill up quickly, and provide a mass of material for your speeches.

3) You can't make things too simple Even if you are talking to an expert audience, try to use simple language. The idea is to create a connection with your audience, and to get them thinking beyond your words. If they are thinking about your words, trying to extract the meaning, then your impact is reduced.

4) Speak to one person Presenting to an audience, however large or small, works best when people feel they're being spoken to as individuals. When you think about your audience, decide what would interest them as individuals, not as a group. Avoid phrases like - "As you are all accountants, you'll be interested in the numbers on the next slide". Instead, say "As an accountant, think what these numbers mean to you"

TEN TIPS FOR WRITING ARTICLES

Many publications and websites will accept articles. You can post on blogs, LinkedIn and Facebook too. They are a great way of getting publicity. Here are ten tips for putting pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard.

1. Concentrate on only one idea for each article
2. Have a catchy or punning headline, such as "An Ex-Bert writes.."
3. Don't expect to get paid very often (if ever)
4. Always include contact details at the end, and ask that they be included as your "payback" (a clickable link if online)
5. Have another idea or two ready when they contact you and say "thanks for the article"
6. Write as quickly as possible, just as you speak, and then go back to edit the whole thing
7. You can submit the same article to several different places - maybe with slight tweaks, maybe "as is"
8. You don't have to write a lot - 250 words is fine
9. Include a brief bio explaining why you are the expert
10. Using the "10 tips" or "Seven secrets" format as a structure makes writing easier (see what I mean?)

Using the "10 tips" or "Seven secrets" format as a structure makes writing easier (see what I mean?)

TWITTER ROCKS!

OK, I'm a bit of an old muso, and I often listen to Spotify playlists from the 1970s while writing this ezine. I've just done a Tweetchat, and discussed the similarities between Twitter and rock music. Here are my thoughts:

1) Strong rhythm There's no missing the beat in rock music. Twitter has a strong pulse too. There are ebbs and flows in the trending subjects, but some things remain constant (I'm afraid it's often Justin Bieber). Being aware of the Twitter beat helps you to post your messages so that they follow the flow of conversation, and generate interest.

2) Simple singable lines No rock song choruses are that complex. A festival crowd holding up their lighters (sorry, smartphones) wants a simple line to sing. Twitter, by its very nature, is brief. But don't feel you have to use the full 140 characters. Limiting yourself to 120 increases the chance of being re-tweeted, and keeping it even shorter is a handy skill.

3) Virtuosos From Hendrix to Slash, there's always a real performer in a rock band. There are superstars on Twitter too, whether they're celebs like Katy Perry or technical experts like Pete Cashmore and Guy Kawasaki. Despite the fact they have millions of followers, it's worth keeping an eye on what they say and do (especially the technical specialists), since it can help you to talk about popular issues, and generate interest yourself.

An oldie but goodie. The classic "one leg too few" sketch from Peter Cook and Dudley Moore. Wonderful script, perfect timing.

Book now - only five places left for May 9th at Theatre Royal.

The information in this ezine may be freely re-used in any online or offline publication, provided it is accompanied by the following credit line - "This information was written by Alan Stevens, and originally appeared in "The MediaCoach", his free weekly ezine, available at www.mediacoach.co.uk."