Regained Loyalty
Saadi Youssef
Translated from the Arabic by Khaled Mattawa
Yes,
you loved her!
Half a century now, and you're still moaning.
Remember how a night train ferried your tender passions.
You loved no one but her,
and you've loved seven beautiful women after her.
But you know it, as if you'd never kissed anyone else.
You still have a taste of damascene rose on your lips from her.
Don't bloody the soft, tender petals.
Be gentle with the rose!
They've not faded.
And you've not faded.
And the train goes on lumbering from Baghdad
to the date palms of the South,
as if clear water streaming
from the eyes of God.

This same train that led you both, the narrow gauge train,
the train with a small sleeping compartment like a child's nursery,
will carry you, one day, from Basra to Baghdad, handcuffed.
How you tried to befriend the policeman taking you!
You were still a boy at the time!

Yes, you loved her.
She was soft and fragrant like dough,
as if a sweet pollen dew exuded from her.
You knew you wouldn't sleep
and you knew
that your girl waited too long to be on that train.

We have arrived!

Third-class carriages that transport soldiers, peasants, and poor students.

Carriages where the wood moans and flies buzz, carriages of endless coughing and heat.
These carriages transport prisoners and distribute them deep into Iraq.
I was with Comrade Sami Ahmed, my right wrist tied to his left.

Finally, I learned that the life
I was destined for was my image of myself.

It's much harder than saying, "I lived."
Easier than saying, "Farewell!"

So, let's stay on that train.

Yes,
you loved her.
from the journal COLORADO REVIEW
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"Regained Loyalty" is among a selection of Saadi's late poems that I have been translating over the past few years. As to be expected of a poet writing in his eighties, Saadi's poem here draws on memory, specifically of nearly forgotten events but that come as revelations. The train is a frequent motif in Saadi's poetry, and here he braids two journeys together, one of youthful love, and another of imprisonment while he was also "still a boy." Together they provide affirmation of a life lived fully, and succor as the poet confronts old age, exiled far away from his home country for whom he had sacrificed so much. The revelation is that through his poetry he was given a true image of himself, and that this gift necessitates that he makes no conclusions about his life or bid it farewell. Having regained a sense of loyalty toward his existence, he decides to stay on the train of his life accompanied by his memories and the presence of ordinary folks alongside him.

Khaled Mattawa on "Regained Loyalty'
Cover of the edited volume, Wheatley at 250
Black Female Poets Inspired by Phillis Wheatley Peters

In 1773, Phillis Wheatley became the first person of African descent to have her work published, "With Wheatley at 250 Legros Georges and co-editor and poet Artress Bethany White paired 20 Wheatley poems with 20 contemporary Black women poets. The poets were asked to 'reinscribe' or write a new version or 'cover' of the original poem and write a short essay based on the experience."

via WORCESTER MAGAZINE
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Cover image from The Missouri Review, Spring 2024
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