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Trap #12: You get tricked by paying selective attention
Another way that our beautiful human brains can lead us astray is through our choices of what to pay attention to and what to ignore. These decisions are far from objective. We each have our own lenses to look through, made up of our baggage, biases, hopes, and fears. These lenses are unique to us but can be pretty distorted, for better or for worse. They can even have smudges, scratches, cracks, or be encrusted with splattered cake batter. And they can change depending on the moment, and what we have been primed to see.
Of course we can’t turn our attention to everything: our brain needs shortcuts or we would be quickly overwhelmed and unable to go about our days, preoccupied and overstimulated instead of keeping our focus on what matters to us. Selective focus can help us in other ways: if we’re in the market for a new vehicle or some dental work, it’s functional that we suddenly care about the details of cars (or other people’s teeth.) But when we let this selective attention mistakenly influence our beliefs, it’s a harmful trap, like with confirmation bias — AKA when we notice only the evidence that supports our beliefs, assuming that’s the only evidence around.
We see this often in the news/social media echo chamber, listening only to opinions of those we agree with, sharing only stories that justify our opinions.
Or we may notice only our partner’s socks on the floor if we’ve decided they’re not doing enough around the house, ignoring the hour they spent fixing the sink.
We may believe that we are socially inept screw-ups because twice this month we stumbled in conversation, instead of acknowledging all the times this week our small talk went just fine.
It all becomes a vicious cycle. Selective attention, left unchecked, keeps us repeating our mistakes, because we gather evidence in favor of our approach, paying attention only to what seems to say we’re doing the right thing. Confirmation bias intensifies our hatred because we see only the bad in people we disagree with. We can also become more critical of ourselves because we can turn hypervigilant to signs that other people don’t like us.
The first step in counteracting it? Becoming aware of it.
Make a list of three areas that are potential blind spots for you. If you’re having trouble coming up with them, start by defining your strongest opinions or your biggest insecurities. Do you tune out things that contradict what you want to believe or only pick up signs that confirm your negative self-talk? For each blind spot, list one way that this might hurt you or others. Then ask yourself how you might expose yourself to alternative evidence — and how it may give you a fuller picture of yourself and your world.
Up next: Regrets, regrets, regrets.
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