1. Troops Stay at Capitol Due to Trump Trial Murder Threats: AP

  STICK AROUND 

Some 7,000 troops will stay in place after officials found messages which talked about attacking members of Congress during Trump’s upcoming impeachment trial.

2. Biden to Replace Doc Who Misled Public About Trump’s COVID

 BITTER PILL 

Dr. Sean Conley admitted to misleading the public about Trump’s coronavirus treatment in an attempt to “reflect the upbeat attitude” of the former president.

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3. These Are the Best Fitting Face Masks I’ve Tried

 PERFECT FIT  

The fit pushes away from the lips, so you don’t end up sucking the fabric into your mouth.

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4. Hawaii GOPer Quits Over Crazy ‘QAnoners Love America’ Tweets

 ‘ERROR OF JUDGMENT’ 

The swiftly-deleted posts insisted that QAnoners “don’t deserve mockery” and pushed the theories “largely motivated by a sincere and deep love for America.”

5. Board Members Refuse to Wear Masks to Honor Dead Teacher

 SPITTING ON HIS GRAVE 

Fallen teacher Patrick Key’s obituary read: “In lieu of flowers, please buy and wear a mask to protect others and yourself in honor of him.”

6. You’ve Never Tried Anything Like These Parachute Towels

 KNIT IT TO WIN IT 

These lightweight towels will soak up all your post-shower moistness before you even feel uncomfortable with the word “moistness.”

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7. Biden to Reverse Trump’s Transgender Military Ban: Report

 EQUALITY 

The ban, first announced via tweet by President Trump in July 2017, has been in effect since April 2019.

8. Fox News Drops Sarah Huckabee Sanders Ahead of Arkansas Race

 HERE WE GO AGAIN 

The former White House press secretary, who will announce her gubernatorial bid on Monday, has had her contributor gig terminated.

9. This Wine Sealer Keeps Bottles Fresh Days After Opening

 FRESH TO THE LAST DROP 

Vacu Vin developed its unique wine saver in 1986 and it now comes with a miniature vacuum pump and a vacuum stopper.

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10. MD Police Officers Accused of Harassing 5-Year-Old Boy

 'SHOULD BE BEATEN’ 

A lawsuit alleges the officers put a handcuff on one of the boy’s wrists, telling him, “these are for people who don’t want to listen.”

11. Mexican President López Obrador Tests Positive for COVID-19

 ANOTHER ONE 

López Obrador, 67, said his symptoms are mild and that he is receiving treatment.

12. Argento: Director of ‘the Fast and the Furious’ Assaulted Me

 ‘HE ABUSED ME’ 

A spokesperson for director Rob Cohen denies the allegation by the Italian actress, who is also one of Harvey Weinstein’s accusers.

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13. U.S. to Restrict South Africa Travel Over COVID Concerns

 RESTRICTED ZONE 

Scientists fear that the South African-originating variant—named 501Y.V2—could be more infectious and resistant to antibodies.

14. Fauci Says He Was Mailed Suspicious Powder-Filled Envelope

 YOU'VE GOT MAIL 

Fauci, the U.S. government’s top infectious disease expert, said the powder was tested and revealed to be harmless.

15. Chicago Teachers Union Votes Down Resuming In-Person Classes

 WINDS OF CHANGE 

Only about 19% of students returned for limited K-8 in-person instruction this month, according to WBEZ Chicago.

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