1. Trump Is Enraged by Biden’s A-List Inauguration Guests: WaPo

  GREEN-EYED MONSTER 

Trump is reportedly furious that the likes of Lady Gaga and Tom Hanks are appearing tomorrow after top celebs shunned his inauguration four years ago.

2. QAnoners Mull Posing as Troops to Attack Inauguration: FBI

 PLAYING SOLDIER 

National Guard members have been warned to look out for anyone in uniform who looks like they don’t belong at the event.

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3. This Vitamin C + SPF Serum Has Changed My Skin for Good

 DAILY VITAMIN 

This 2-for-1 packs a Vitamin C shot with an SPF 40 chaser.

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4. Biden Plans 8-Year Path to Citizenship for Immigrants

 TOTAL 180 

The president-elect promised to “undo the damage” of the Trump administration during his campaign.

5. Biden Pick Would Be First Ever Transgender Senate Confirmee

 ‘DEEPLY QUALIFIED’ 

Pennsylvania’s Dr. Rachel Levine has won widespread praise for her approach the COVID-19 pandemic—but she has also been the target of a torrent of online hate.

6. I Finally Found a Loofah That Isn’t Disgusting

 CLEAN FREAK 

I can throw my Evoltree loofah in the wash and never have to worry about bacteria or germs again.

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7. Joe Exotic Hires Pick-Up Limo in Expectation of Trump Pardon

 COMING OUT OF MY CAGE 

If released, Exotic will reportedly be taken to a secure location where he has requested to get his hair done before photos can be taken.

8. Top CA Doc Urges Pause on 300,000 Moderna Vaccine Doses

 WAIT, WAIT 

Fewer than 10 people needed medical attention in the 24-hour period after they received the shot, but California’s state epidemiologist urged stopping distribution.

9. Mets GM Admits Sending Unsolicited Dick Pic to Reporter

 FOUL BALLS 

However, Jared Porter insists that the penis depicted in the photo he sent to a female reporter in August 2016 was not his.

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10. Cops Arrest Rioter Accused of Trying to Sell Pelosi Laptop

 NOWHERE TO HIDE 

The FBI is still investigating Riley June Williams ex-partner’s claim that she took a Pelosi office laptop and unsuccessfully tried to hawk it Russian agents.

11. Trump Says He’ll Ease COVID Travel Rules, Biden Says No

 BACK AND FORTH 

“With the pandemic worsening, and more contagious variants emerging around the world, this is not the time to be lifting restrictions on international travel.”

12. ‘Gilmore Girls’ Star: I Didn’t Join Riot—but Wish I Did

 ET TU, CHRIS? 

He wrote, “There are rumors circulating that I ‘stormed the capital.’ Not true—though I would have been proud to share a smoke with this great Patriot!”

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13. Census Bureau Director Resigns, Effective Inauguration Day

 TAKE A NUMBER 

Steven Dillingham’s appointment was slated to continue through the end of 2021, but whistleblowers said political pressure was skewing the bureau’s accuracy.

14. Trapped Chinese Gold Miners Send Pleading Note to Surface

 HOPING AGAINST HOPE 

The penciled note asked for medical supplies, indicating the survivors, who have been underground for eight days, were injured.

15. Trump Admin Slams ‘1619 Project’ on MLK Day

 ‘DISTORTED HISTORIES’ 

Naming the NYT’s “1619 Project” as its opponent, the “1776 Report” goes after “identity politics” and tries to make the case for nationalist education.

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