Dear John,

Pale was the tone of the day and the color of my mood when I woke this morning from a fitful night’s sleep. I wasn’t upset, depressed, or feeling anxious. I just felt meh. As I went about the morning rituals of making tea, feeding the cats, emptying the dishwasher, and cooking breakfast, I put my attention on the present moment rather than my mood. 

I felt the dishes in my hands as I moved them to their rightful place in the cupboards. I inhaled the scent of Earl Grey tea wafting from a steaming mug on the counter. I listened closely to birds calling – the sweet song of a chickadee and the shrill of a blackbird.

Rather than trying to figure out why I was feeling off, or distracting myself in some way, I leaned into the reality of the moment. I simply noticed what was happening around me. 

Sometimes where you are is where you’re supposed to be.

Presence is intelligent. It holds an understanding of reality that we can’t always see. And it can be trusted to feed our life force rather than starve it. If you’ve grown tired of letting the quality of your life be hijacked by people and circumstances, you might want to give presence a try. Like a leaf blowing in the wind, I have no interest in being at the mercy of outside forces. I don’t want to need things to be a certain way in order to feel okay. I’d like to feel ok regardless. 

So, I’m working on it. I’m doing what it takes to be comfortable in my own skin – staying where I am, breathing, and naming what I see, hear, smell, and feel. It’s not easy. Not at all. Distraction is a tempting source of immediate relief. Grabbing a muffin or entertaining myself with beautiful images or insane antics on social media is an enticing, quick fix when I feel off, but it doesn’t last. And the practice of turning to something outside to feel ok inside keeps me caught in the loop of having to do it over and over again. And that’s exhausting. It saps energy. And life force. 

So, today I’m embracing pale. And the moment. And the chance to get a little better at being my own safe place regardless of what’s going on… one deep breath at a time.

Love,
Cheryl

P.S. – My new audiobook/workshop called Self Care for the Wisdom Years is now available through Audible. You can learn more here.

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