| Dear John, We’d been talking for over an hour when the subject turned to politics and I felt a charge of energy run through my body. I knew we shared different views and I wanted to stay centered and kind. These days, I’m using the heated political climate as fodder for growth despite how uncomfortable it is. As a matter of fact, I’m using it because it’s uncomfortable. Here’s what I have so far. We bring our history to every encounter. While it might look like I’m having a conversation with a friend, for example, the reality is there’s a crowd of people standing behind both of us. Who I am, what I believe, and how I behave is influenced by my parents, siblings, teachers, employers, religious leaders, friends, strangers, etc. Not only that, I’m also affected by past events – heartbreaks, disappointments, triumphs, trauma, betrayals, successes – all of it. Our history shapes us and once we recognize that every human being is an amalgamation of their life experiences, we realize that the person voting for the candidate we despise brings their whole life to the ballot box. The friend who drives us crazy because she doesn’t share our concerns about an important issue has important issues of her own influenced by her past. Politicians who behave in ways that seem mind-boggling are guided by internal data that might appear crazy to us while familiar and sensible to them. Looking at humans from this perspective helps me to relax the impulse to try to get someone to see my point of view. That’s because changing hearts and minds will never be as simple as saying the right words, using the proper tone, or delivering accurate information. I might be a master at communication, but I can’t crawl inside someone’s mind and delete their historical files. But I can deal with my own. My friend Debbie Ford used to say that when you point a finger at someone else there are three fingers pointing back at you. Her wisdom reminds me to focus on changing myself first because it changes the history that shapes my choices. It also helps me have compassion for those who don’t share my views. Yes, it’s important to get out and vote, support the candidates and causes I believe in, and do everything I can to promote peace and prosperity. I also need to check under the hood. I will be far more effective long term when I tend to my own wounded past because it allows me to bring a healthy adult to any conversation. These days, with the help of wise mentors, I’m focused on being more self-reflective and less reactive. I’m noticing when my past is affecting my present so I can do something about it. I’m choosing to be kind instead of judgmental because I want my words to heal. That way I have a better chance of contributing to a solution instead of a problem. And while fear tells me this isn’t enough, the work I’ve done to heal myself tells me otherwise. Hurt people hurt people. Healed people turn the tide of history. Love,
Cheryl
P.S. – Check out the audiobook/workshop called Self Care for the Wisdom Years available through Audible. You can learn more here.
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