| Dear John, If you’re anxious about the election (and who isn’t?), I hope this blog from last October will help. ~*~ You need to calm down I could barely catch my breath as I went to the kitchen to feed the cats. I had just received some distressing news that pressed several buttons, and it sent me tumbling back in time to all the familiar places where I’d felt the feeling before. My body was a storm – tight chest, shallow breathing, rigid arms, heart slammed shut. Desperate to release the anxiety, I picked up the phone to call a friend but got voicemail. Three times. So, I hung up, took a few deep breaths, and grew myself back up. Reactive mode is never a state of clarity; it’s a state of chaos. Anything we do from this mindset is likely to create more of a mess. While meditation has taught me to witness my behavior, especially in stressful situations, I’m still a student driver. I’m laying new neural pathways that help me to recruit the adult in a crisis, and getting voicemail three times gave me a chance to practice. When we’re triggered, there’s an energy build-up in the body that wants to be released. We tend to alleviate this pressure by taking immediate action in the outer world. We might reach out to defend our position, set the record straight, or apologize to keep the peace. But doing something “out there” when in a reactive state is unhelpful. It’s like throwing a rock in a lake, seeing the ripples, and jumping in to retrieve the rock to calm the waters. You only create more disturbance. Instead, when buttons are pressed, the first order of business is to return to a calm, clear state. This means recruiting a healthy inner adult with self-soothing, nervous-system-regulating actions. So, here’s what I did: I paced up and down the hallway, hand on my heart, telling myself: You’re okay, sweetheart. Just breathe. I got you. We can handle this. I shook my arms and legs to release the pent-up energy coursing through my body. I took two quick breaths in through my nose and slowly released them through my mouth—a technique that instantly calms the nervous system. I imagined the difficult emotions and memories rising up and out of my body. As I held this vision, I felt lighter and could feel my adult self coming onboard. These are just some of what you can do when hijacked by strong reactions. You can also write a letter to yourself from a grown-up, take a brisk ten-minute walk, list your feelings in a journal, work out, dance, yell or sing, or talk to yourself like a wise, loving parent. Not only will this help to restore you to a place of sanity, it will keep your heart open, giving you access to a more loving perspective. And love is always a powerful healing state. My morning was difficult, for sure, but within twenty minutes I was better able to respond to the situation. And that’s growth. Getting triggered will always be a part of our human experience. Growth is measured by the time it takes to recover and respond with love. Love,
Cheryl Need a little Divine Direction? Use the “Touch of Grace” button at the bottom of our homepage here.
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