| Dear John, On a much-needed rainy afternoon, I sat in my office and read through the emails I received last week in response to my blog about shifting from conflict to connection. Honestly, when I finished, I was moved to tears. So many people—Republicans, Democrats, Independents, and those just plain exhausted by it all—took the time to share detailed stories of why they voted the way they did. By the end, they reinforced my belief that healing happens when we learn to listen to each other. One reader, in particular, initially upset by my bringing politics into the blog, described her reason for shifting from voting Democrat to Republican with such equanimity and grace that I could hear her. I felt compassion for her and her choices as I read her story. I also felt my heart open. If I had her number, I would have picked up the phone and called to thank her and to learn more. The aftermath of the election is complicated. Some people are happy and relieved; others are terrified. Some have come to terms with the outcome, while others are still in shock, processing grief. There are those dealing with the pain of conflicting values, having discovered that a loved one holds opposing views. And many people can’t come to terms with how others could vote against what they see as a crucial priority. We are a complicated species, still young in our stage of societal evolution. The stories I received reminded me that the path to healing is so much about self-regulation and our ability to communicate well. Pushed buttons block ears and hearts, leaving us unable to listen and learn. One reader, for example, wrote to say that her political views had caused her to be “uninvited” to a Thanksgiving celebration with a family she had shared the holiday with for more than 40 years. And while I had empathy for the hostess who might not have been ready to entertain different points of view, I felt for the reader who was left out of the gathering. I wanted to invite her to our home :). I’m so grateful to everyone who took the time to share their thoughts in an intelligent and considerate way. We don’t need silos. We need circles of safety where we can share stories, talk honestly about our differences, and see what it’s like to have our hearts opened by love instead of closed by fear. That’s my little reminder this week as we enter the holiday season. Breathe. Be curious. Take responsibility for your reactions. And do your best to listen with love. Love,
Cheryl
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