Dear John,

Yesterday, I taught a workshop about honoring the soul in our wisdom years. The event was for a group of women who belong to a non-denominational spiritual community that’s been in existence for more than 35 years. This was a seasoned group used to speaking about deeper issues and it was a pleasure to be in their company.

Throughout the conversation, one of the central topics of growing older and having more time to oneself (kids having left the nest, less responsibility, or entering retirement) was what to “do” in the post-midlife chapter of life. My response was easy: Give your “doer” muscles a rest and start building your “be-er” muscles.

This is probably one of the most important transitions we can make in our wisdom years – a transition that adds more beauty, aliveness, and peace to our lives.

One woman who had recently retired and was about to embark on accomplishing a new list of goals, suddenly realized she needed a different plan. That’s right, I said without thinking. Rather than giving your doer more work, let’s put her in charge of helping you learn how to be. We all laughed at my impromptu response but soon realized the importance of this suggestion.

Many of us have been running a marathon for most of our lives and at some point, we need to stop and give our legs a rest. A long rest. This might mean cutting back on work, relinquishing responsibilities to others, slowing down our pace of daily activity, or pruning our social calendars to have more time for ourselves. Less doing, more being.

I drove home from the event thinking about how seductive my doer is. She always finds something to do – more work, household chores, people to care for, responsibilities to fulfill. Meanwhile, the be-er sits quietly on the sidelines waiting to be invited into the arena of my life and I have to keep reminding myself to let her in. Practice, practice, practice.

That’s the primary work of the wisdom years, to cut back on what is no longer essential and make time and space to be. What you learn through this practice might surprise you.

In the last five years, I’ve discovered something beautiful. Life can miraculously handle all kinds of challenges when I get out of the way. When I stop trying to manage and control everything, even the most complex problems can be solved with very little effort and sometimes no effort at all. Life has repeatedly proven time and again that I can relax and trust in the wisdom of a higher plan. I just need to remember…

I’ve also realized that my “beingness” is a magnet for beauty, intimate encounters with strangers, vulnerable moments with those I love, and an ability to make a difference in the lives of others by offering less instead of more. Who knew doing so little could result in finding a way to make a contribution steeped in wisdom and experience rather than reactivity and history?

Honoring the soul in our wisdom years is an invitation to stop running and start living – for ourselves and each other before it’s too late. I’m learning to give my doer muscles a rest and I hope you’ll join me.

Love,
Cheryl

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