Dear Friends,
I'm continually fascinated by the differences in men and women and how we process our surroundings. I'm always excited when I have a "lightbulb" moment show up in my life, and I certainly had one during this interview with DailyOM course author Wendy Newman about her course What Men Need to Know about Women. Please read on!
For many women, feeling unheard, unseen, and underappreciated by men can affect romantic their relationships, work life, and family dynamics. The simple truth is, men and women listen, process, and speak in very different ways and the secret is in learning how to communicate effectively for the best results. With this course, you'll discover how to speak the language of men -- and you'll get expert solutions to some of the most frustrating and puzzling male behaviors known to womankind.
- Receive a new lesson every day for 13 days (total of 13 lessons).
- Have lifetime access to the course for reference whenever you want.
- Select the amount you can afford, and get the same course as everyone.
- If you are not 100% satisfied, you may request a refund.
Madisyn Taylor: Hi Wendy. Please explain the purpose of this course to my readers.
Wendy Newman: I embraced a challenge that I saw in the beginning stages of designing this course--finding ways to celebrate the differences between men and women without saying that all women are the same. My intention, always, is to honor both men and women--and speaking of everyone, these lessons apply to women in every context, not just a romantic one. When everyone is honored, there is more synergy in the workplace and more peace in family and friendship dynamics as well.
We are different from men, but we're also different from each other. The last thing I want to do is put us into the "all women" box. But one thing that is universal is that when women feel seen and understood, we're often willing to engage on a much deeper level. I want that for everyone. At the end of the day, I want to inspire all of us to have a little more compassion, access to a few tools, and some clarity in communication.
MT: It really is interesting how different men and women are and how we navigate through our lives. In lesson six of the course, you talk about how we take in and process our environment differently. Talk to me about this.
WN: Yes, there's a biological difference in how our vision processes information, and when we don't honor that we're made differently, we can make conclusions that aren't accurate. Men have a type of vision that is superior to a woman's and that is their ability to track moving objects at high speeds. Women also have a superior gift of vision, our scan vision, that far exceeds a man's ability to find things in his environment when they aren't moving.
Let's talk about the man's vision for a moment. A man's track vision allows for better depth perception and accuracy for moving targets around him. For example, when a man is driving, he knows the situation is safe as he's using his natural skills confidently behind the wheel. He knows how many approximate inches there are in that hole of traffic, and he has noted everyone's speed, so he makes that calculated driving move called grabbing that lane. To a woman passenger, this might feel scary, reckless, or too fast. This can cause us to come to disempowering conclusions about each other. He might think, "drama queen," while she's mumbling, "jerk." If we knew what each other's capabilities, differences, and needs were, we could negotiate a work-around.
A woman's gift of scan vision has us see things in our environment in a way that most men miss. Again, different skill sets can lead to misunderstandings. If someone left a big box on my front porch, and a woman came over, she'd likely say, "Do you want me to bring in this big box?" Most men would walk past the box to get inside the front door unless that box was part of their planned visit. Does this make men insensitive? Not cooperative? Of course not. These are common conclusions from a woman's point of view. But it's not insensitivity, it's a lack of scan vision and that box is nothing more than a distraction that just didn't quite break through the original goal.
Seeing and understanding the two distinct gifts men and women have around our vision doesn't excuse behavior. Instead, it puts a new awareness to what we can and can't expect from each other automatically and where we need to put in requests and boundaries to avoid negative outcomes.
MT: I love how in lesson 10 you teach a man how to bring out the best in a woman.
WN: You might have caught onto a theme here: A woman can only be her best when she has what she needs and when she feels safe. But getting what we need is one of the last things we ever think to do. What's natural for us is to pay attention to the needs of everyone else in our world, and then, and only then, do we look to ourselves and check in. Even when we're at breaking point, we'll push past it just a little bit more in service to others. Lesson 10 guides men to certain areas of life that are important to pay attention to. Because when her tanks get too low, it takes an enormous amount of energy to restore her back to "good enough." One of the big ones (especially for mothers) is the patience tank. We all know there's a really big difference between real, authentic, compassionate patience and fake patience. They don't look the same at all. I cover the importance of her happiness, desirability, and how to keep that love tank flowing. You'll learn the importance of connection, and how you can support her in getting her own needs met so the tanks stay nice and topped off.
MT: What is the homework like in this course?
WN: Much of the homework in this course is about taking the topic at hand and recognizing it in the world. You can do this by applying the topic to your life when you watch the women around you, in our culture, in media and television. It's not hard to see women in a completely different light once you understand where we're coming from.
Like you would a science experiment, apply what you've learned by trying it out. See how this new outcome differs from other exchanges you've had in the past. See what works and what doesn't go as well. I'm interested in workability. When I was young, I thought joy, harmony, and peace sounded really boring. Now that's something I strive for in my life, and it's what I'm definitely aiming for in communication. And if that's something you're interested in too, then experimenting with what you learn here might be worth a try.
MT: Please share some feedback you have received from men who have taken this course.
WN: One of the lessons illuminates why a woman gets mad when you try to help her solve the problem she's complaining about. One man told me, "This! Now I get it! This is the very reason why my marriage ended. We kept getting into it, this cycle every day. She'd come home and complain about work. I'd listen and try and help her. And she'd blow up at me until neither of us could stand it anymore. Knowing this could have literally saved my marriage."
After learning much of what's here, another man said, "I wanted to learn about women so I could be more effective with them, and I got a lot. I have more understanding and appreciation for them, but what I didn't expect was to have more understanding and appreciation for myself as a man. Thank you for that."
MT: If you could offer one piece of advice to men about the women in their lives, what would it be?
WN: Part of the genetic makeup of a woman is to focus on "is he pleased/displeased?" We try to be pleasing or to avoid displeasing those we care about or those who have higher status than us. It's as natural for us to pay attention to this as it is for you to pay attention to "does she need anything/is she happy/okay?" Nobody gets the luxury of an "off" button here. You can help the women in your life by staying connected to them with words and attention. When your world is all-consuming and needs all of your focus, don't check out on the woman who's closest to you (wife, girlfriend, one you're newly dating) for days on end. Try texting out of the blue when you are thinking of her, it goes a lot farther than you'll ever know, and we can live on these little text moments for a long while, especially when we know you're busy.
For a woman on your team, appreciate her by letting her know she's doing well or that you appreciate her for her efforts (especially if what she's working on is failing). If you're higher in the organization, she'll be looking to see if you're pleased or displeased, and if she can't tell, or if she thinks you're displeased, she will not be at the top of her game. I hope you enjoy this course, and I hope you gain tools that set you up to win in your relationships with all women.
Thank you, Wendy. I hope this interview has piqued the interest of any men out there who want to better understand the women in their lives. As humans on this earth, the more we learn about each other to create more harmony, the better we all are together. Until next time.
Be well,
Madisyn Taylor
Cofounder, Editor-in-Chief
DailyOM
