| People joke when they see pictures of Lisa and I together. For example, when guests are looking through our wedding photo album. Inevitably, someone will look at her pictures and look at my pictures then look at me and ask, "How did you land her!?" Some even laugh. I used to laugh to because I felt, as many have said, I "married up"! But now I say "F*ck that!" Apparently, some think I'm good enough looking. The point is, Lisa thinks I am. So we didn't marry up or down, but across. Really, what it comes down to is me feeling confident enough to think better of myself and that I deserve good and beautiful things. I had to move beyond that self-deprecating attitude that I somehow won a prize that I could never have earned. I'm in my sixties now, and I'm still learning about self-confidence and personal dignity. In therapy I've learned that there's still a negative voice in my head... a punitive one... that keeps trying to put me down, in my place, grovelling in self-pity. Sometimes I wonder if that voice will always be there and I just need to learn how to recognize it and not obey it. Do you know what I mean? Do you relate? | 