| Why We Lash Out |
by Madisyn Taylor Each one of us has experienced situations where we've found ourselves lashing out at someone without meaning to. We later berate ourselves for losing control and feel guilty for treating the other person badly. And while it is human nature that our emotions and moods will get the better of us from time to time, we can learn to navigate our feelings and negotiate difficult situations without losing our center.
Often, when we lash out, it is because we are having a difficult time containing the emotions that are coming up inside of us. We may be feeling overwhelmed, afraid, frustrated, stressed out, or angry. Having these feelings boiling up inside of us can be very uncomfortable, and it is natural to want to release them. But when we release our feelings from our body by directing them outward and toward someone else, they inevitably impact the "innocent bystander" to whom we are directing this energy. They not only get the brunt of our anger, frustration, or stress, but also they can actually experience this energy as a physical force hitting their bodies.
When you find yourself in a situation where you are about to lash out at the person in front of you, try to center yourself by breathing slowly and deeply. A few slow inhales and exhales can help dissipate the intensity of your feelings before they escape you. Later, when you find yourself in a more reflective state, sit down for a moment; recall the feelings in your body just before and during your outburst; note where you feel sensations coming up in your body; and ask yourself if they are connected to any core issue or experience from your life. If nothing comes to mind, then revisit the situation again, exaggerating the details of what happened by indulging in outlandish "what if" fantasies. Exaggerating events after the fact can help expose the unconscious subtext behind your heated response. Understanding the motivation behind your reactions can help you avoid lashing out again when a similar situation comes up. In learning to navigate around your emotions, you are giving yourself the tools to feel better the next time your emotions start to boil. In doing so, you will be taking care of yourself by alleviating your own uncomfortable feelings while respecting and protecting those around you. | DailyOM Course Spotlight by Ragini Michaels "The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off."―Joe Klaas Wherever anger arises in your life, it is always in relationship to something or someone: your boss, partner, children, computer, the internet, driving in rush hour traffic, sales clerks when shopping, or waiting on the phone in the hope you'll finally get through to an actual person. Your ability to transform anger and its accompanying urge to argue, rests in the relationship you create between you and these kinds of events. This is the key to your freedom from HAVING to express your powerful life energy in bursts of negativity. You can dramatically increase your joy in living when you know the secret of redirecting anger toward a positive and graceful communication filled with your presence, awareness, acceptance, and love. It is common to experience many irritating situations in a single day. And if we don't know what to do with our irritation, annoyance, or frustration, it blossoms into the oh-too-common 'power struggle'. We unconsciously fall into the belief that if we are finally recognized as being right, we are paid back for all the 'wrongs' done to us during the day -- these include a lack of recognition of our needs, a sense of being disrespected, and a sense of having no power to change the situations we encounter. This course will increase your ability to approach anger in a new way and to find happiness in your relationships -- whether at home, at the office, or with yourself in the privacy of your own mind.
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