| I remember years ago when I was the pastor of a local congregation and we were experimenting with a new kind of small group. I was going to try to create the kind of group that allowed for complete authenticity, but we were also going to practice the “no cross-talk” rule. I was going to allow people to vent or share in such a way that they would not be criticized or corrected or anything like that. I was going to create an atmosphere where we could be brutally honest and real and open. I called it authenticity with accountability. Let’s see how it works! After a few weeks of this, I was feeling frustrated. We were constantly dealing with issues within the group. He had issues with her and we needed to process it. She had issues with him and we needed to talk it through. They had issues with me and we needed to figure that out. And so on and so on. I thought to myself, “This isn’t working!” Suddenly, one night, I realized that it actually WAS working. I had in my mind that we would quickly work through some issues and get to this place of serenity as a group. But that was false. I realized: Being a community means working on being a community. We were doing the work of what it means to be community! It was a huge realization! I could compare it to Lisa’s and my relationship. We are constantly communicating. Sure, we may go through periods where there’s no issues to process. But we are often talking about very important things in our relationship. All in an attempt to make it better. The goal isn’t to fix all the bad parts and achieve a kind of perfection. Doing the work IS the relationship. Communicating… really trying to understand ourselves and each other and our relationship… that is the sexy part. Because that’s what it means when free people choose to commune together. It’s figuring out… how can I be free without violating your freedom, and how can you be free without violating mine? How can I, as a free individual, enhance your life and our relationship without you needing to sacrifice your freedom and individuality. And this takes work. All. The. Time. So, once again, we learn all over again some wisdom that’s been around for a while… the journey is the destination. The goal is the work! | 