I get nervous when I hear a young dating or engaged couple say, “I’ve found my soulmate.” I understand the appeal of this idea: the validating and oh-so-special feeling of deep romance, the sense that this person “gets me” when others just don’t. But while there should be an intimate closeness between husband and wife, the “soulmate” approach to marriage can set couples up for serious problems down the road.
In the movie Jerry McGuire, the character played by Tom Cruise famously told his beloved, “You complete me.” Our culture tends to be in love with this version of love—but it’s actually not biblical. This “soulmate” idea of love stems all the way back to Plato’s Symposium in which the origins of human love are tied to Greek mythology. In Plato’s discussion, the story is that humans were once two beings in one body and these beings were split in two by the gods, thus causing humans to spend their lives longing for and searching for their other half.
Scripture’s portrayal of marital love is quite different. Yes, there is a sense of longing for one’s partner, for it was “not good” for Adam to be alone. But the spouse does not “complete” the other, for only God can complete us and satisfy us. Only God can fully know and understand us. No other human being can do that—not even the spouse we love dearly. When couples expect a lifelong soulmate, they are sure to face deep disappointment, for they are asking the impossible of each other.
In this week’s featured article, the authors discuss the soulmate model of marriage and what they see as a much better approach: a family-first model. They describe the soulmate model as “the idea that wedlock is primarily about an intense emotional or romantic connection between two people that should last only as long as that connection remains happy, fulfilling, and life-giving to the self.” In contrast, they say, a family-first approach, which “depends on a ‘till death do us part’ ethic,” creates a “marital environment [that is] stronger, more stable, and more likely to offer a secure harbor for children.” Dig in to this interesting discussion and consider how you can strengthen your marriage by cultivating a family-first mindset.
After several years of creating this e-newsletter (which has roots going all the way back to some of CT’s early sister publications), I’m sad to say that this will be my last week composing it. My work responsibilities as CT’s projects editor have increased, so I am passing on this e-newsletter to other colleagues who will begin overseeing it in the coming weeks. It has been a pleasure and privilege to share thoughts about marriage and parenting with you over the past few years. May you continue to seek the Lord’s help as you strive to strengthen your family life.
