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1. Judge Shoots Down Trump’s Attempt at Trial Delay in 9 Words
HOW 'BOUT NO?
Donald Trump isn’t getting extra time before potentially losing hundreds of millions during his trial next month.
POLITICS
2. Trump Says He’d ‘Love to Debate’ Meghan Markle
‘LET’S SET IT UP’
The twice-impeached ex-president finally found a debate that he would actually attend.
MEDIA
These Bamboo Bed Sheets Are a Godsend for Hot Sleepers
ZZZ
These sustainable sheets feature 15-inch deep pockets suitable for any mattress size—so they actually stay put through the night.
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3. Jailed Tycoon Manages to Get $4.5 Billion Richer
LESSON NOT LEARNED
Who says insider trading doesn’t pay?
WORLD
4. Mitch McConnell Says He’s Going to Finish His Senate Term
DAGNABBIT
The Republican evaded the subject of retirement amid questions about his health, swearing to finish both his terms as a GOP leader and Kentucky senator.
Design Custom Furniture on a Budget With Inside Weather
CUSTOMIZE IT
Plus, you can select up to ten fabric swatches in a variety of colors to be sent to your home to see how the color fits in with your current home decor aesthetic.
5. WATCH: Video Shows How Murderer Escaped Pennsylvania Prison
INTO THIN AIR
An officer in a lookout tower failed to notice as Danelo Cavalcante “crab-walked up a wall” and escaped the prison, officials said.
U.S. NEWS
6. Did Kanye West Just Crash a Random Italian Wedding?
SPEAK NOW
A viral TikTok video appears to show the rapper making nice with the bride and groom.
ENTERTAINMENT
7. Nantucket Cops Find Guns, Prostitutes on Retired Doc’s Yacht
SIN CITY
Scott Burke, 69, now faces drug trafficking and weapons charges, authorities said.
8. Soccer Star Files Sex Assault Complaint Over Kissing Fiasco
KISS MY A**
Luis Rubiales has been suspended as Spanish soccer president but refuses to resign.
9. Everything James O’Keefe Allegedly Blew Veritas’ Cash On
HEY BIG SPENDER
He even blew $600 in donors’ money on bottled water during one hotel stay, according to a draft copy of an internal audit.
10. Judge Blocks School Board From Enacting Anti-Trans Policy
DENIED
A judge in Southern California has blocked a right-wing school board from forcing teachers to “out” transgender students.
11. Bill Gates Puts $100M on Bud Light After Transphobic Furore
TO THE RESCUE
While the company’s share value dropped 9 percent in six months, it has slightly risen since Bill Gates’ foundation trust invested.
12. Amazon’s Last-Chance Antitrust Meeting With FTC Breaks Down
NOT BUDGING
Amazon reportedly refused to agree to any changes, arguing that doing so would increase prices and shipping times for customers.
13. Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner Speak Out About Their Divorce
‘UNITED DECISION’
The couple released a statement amid feverish speculation about the cause of their split.
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